Kamis, 01 November 2012 19.27
Label: about me
Rabu, 04 April 2012 03.15
Multimedia secara umum merupakan kombinasi 3 elemen yaitu suara, gambar dan teks. Beberapa contoh penerapan teknologi multimedia adalah Internet, multimedia di internet siaran langsung TV, video streaming, melihat animasi bagaimana cara kerja sesuatu (tutorial) dan mendengarkan musik. Presentasi, multimedia memungkinkan seorang pembawa presentasi beralih dari overhead projector yang menampilkan gambar dan teks yang kaku kepada gambar bergerak, suara dan animasi untuk menghidupkan presentasi yang dibawakan. Tutorial, multimedia dengan cepat telah menjadi dasar pelatihan berbasiskan komputer, sebagai contoh perusahan menyediakan tutorial yang interaktif bagi karyawan baru untuk mempelajari prosedur-prosedur di perusahaan atau tutorial yang titujukan untuk masyarakat umum. Dan banyak lagi penerapannya.
Tujuan dari penggunaan multimedia di antaranya, Multimedia dalam penggunaannya dapat meningkatkan efektivitas dari penyampaian suatu informasi, penggunaan multimedia dalam lingkungan dapat mendorong partisipasi, keterlibatan serta eksplorasi pengguna tersebut, aplikasi multimedia dapat merangsang panca indera dan perasaan penerimanya, karena dengan penggunaannya multimedia akan merangsang beberapa indera penting manusia, seperti : Penglihatan, pendengaran, gerak maupun suara. Dalam pengaplikasiannya multimedia akan sangat membantu penggunanya, terutama dalam hal belajar. Dalam hal ini secara khusus bagi masyarakat awam.
Semakin berkembangnya teknologi, semakin berkembang juga ilmu dan cara berpikir kita sebagai pengguna teknologi itu. Dalam kehidupan sehari-hari, Internet telah memberikan banyak manfaat bagi masyarakat dunia. Pada umumnya semua yang terdapat dalam kehidupan kita terdapat dalam internet.
Iklan internet mendefinisikan ulang arti dari iklan dalam tulisan biasa. Iklan internet merupakan media kaya, dinamis, orang ke orang, interaktif dan dapat menjangkau sejumlah besar orang dengan biaya relatif murah. Iklan yang membayar operasi layanan web, seperti halnya iklan yang menutup biaya siaran televisi sehingga kita dapat menonton televisi tanpa membayar.
Multimedia mengubah cara orang berbelanja. Daripada lelah menelusuri toko ke toko lain untuk memperoleh barang dengan ukuran dan corak yang anda inginkan dan kemudian anda harus antri di kasir, dengan layanan teleshopping atau home shopping memungkinkan anda berbelanja dari rumah.
Dari mulai anak – anak SD, SMP, SMA, Mahasiswa hingga masyarakat yang belum terbiasa menggunakan Komputer pun mau tidak mau harus ikut belajar. Dengan berbagai macam tujuan dan hal ingin di ketahui, entah itu mencari pekerjaan secara online,melihat TV, transfer uang, mencari uang, belanja, sekedar main game, download ratusan video, file Mp3 hingga pendaftaran sekolah semuanya tersedia di Internet.
Multimedia mengubah cara kita membaca koran dengan menghapus kebutuhan akan kertas dengan menawarkan keunggulan multimedia, termasuk penelusuran full-teks, grafik, audio dan video. Menurut artikel di Internet, lebih dari 2700 surat kabar mencoba penerbitan elektronis ini, sedangkan pada tahun 1989 hanya 42 surat kabar. Penerbitan elektronis juga berdampak pada industri pendidikan. Banyak Sekolah mulai menginvestasikan anggaran buku kedalam teknologi multimedia. Misalnya dengan melengkapi komputer di perpustakaan dapat mengakses internet.
Internet merupakan sarana penyaji informasi Multimedia terlengkap dari yang lainnya. Inilah dampak untuk menghasilkan SDM yang Up-to-date, kemudahan penyampaian informasi membuat multimedia di intregasikan dalam segala hal, termasuk HP. Melalui piranti kecil ini setidaknya masyarakat satu langkah lebih maju untuk belajar selain melalui Komputer.
Internet bersaing dengan televisi memperebutkan waktu luang masyarakat. Orang lebih banyak waktu yang dihabiskan pengguna internet untuk melakukan surfing di internet dari pada waktu yang dihabiskan untuk menonton televisi.
Maka dari itu penyajian berbasiskan teknologi MULTIMEDIA terus berkembang di kalangan masyarakat. Selain dorongan zaman, teknologi multimedia sudah menjadi gaya hidup masyarakat sekarang. Semua penyampaian informasi terbentuk dalam sebuah implementasi digital.
Kelebihan dari multimedia adalah menarik daya imajinasi dan menarik minat, karena merupakan gabungan antara gambar, suara dan gerakan. Mudahnya pemahamaan akan hal yang di sampaikan, membuat teknologi merubah cara hidup kita, dari cara konvensional hingga modern.
Senin, 05 Maret 2012 10.31
Memang tidak ada yang mengetahui apa isi hati setiap wanita. Apalagi isi hati kaum perempuan terkadang sulit untuk diterka. Terkadang ingin A tapi besoknya bisa berubah jadi B. Bagaimana dengan rahasia-rahasia wanita yang ada dalam hati, berikut rahasianya :
1. Bila seorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang bersedih,tetapi dia tidak meneteskan airmata,itu berarti dia sedang menangis di dalam hatinya.
2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu setelah kamu menyakiti hatinya,lebih baik kamu beri dia waktu untuk menenangkan hatinya sebelum kamu menegur dengan ucapan maaf.
3. Wanita sulit untuk mencari sesuatu yang dia benci tentang orang yang paling dia sayang (karena itu banyak wanita yang patah hati bila hubungannya putus di tengah jalan).
4. Jika sorang wanita jatuh cinta dengan seorang lelaki,lelaki itu akan sentiasa ada di pikirannya walaupun ketika dia sedang dengan lelaki lain.
5. Bila lelaki yang dia cintai merenung tajam ke dalam matanya,dia akan cair seperti coklat!!
6. Wanita memang menyukai pujian tetapi selalu tidak tahu cara menerima pujian.
7. Jika kamu tidak suka dengan gadis yang menyukai kamu setengah mati,tolak cintanya dengan lembut,jangan kasar karena ada satu semangat dalam diri wanita yang kamu tak akan tahu bila dia telah membuat keputusan,dia akan melakukan apa saja.
8. Jika seorang gadis sedang menjauhkan diri darimu setelah kamu tolak cintanya,biarkan dia untuk seketika.Jika kamu masih ingin menganggap dia seorang kawan,cobalah tegur dia perlahan-lahan.
9. Wanita suka meluahkan apa yang mereka rasa.Musik,puisi,lukisan dan tulisan adalah cara termudah mereka meluahkan isi hati mereka.
10.Jangan sesekali beritahu kepada perempuan tentang apa yang membuat mereka langsung merasa tak berguna.
11.Bersikap terlalu serius bisa mematikan mood wanita.
12.Bila pertama kali lelaki yang dicintainya sedang diam memberikan respon positif,misalnya menghubunginya melalui telepon,si gadis akan bersikap acuh tak acuh seolah-olah tidak berminat,tetapi sebenarnya dia akan berteriak senang dan tak sampai sepuluh minit,semua teman-temannya akan tahu berita tersebut.
13.Sebuah senyuman memberi seribu arti bagi wanita.Jadi jangan senyum sembarangan kepada wanita.
14.Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita, mulailah dengan persahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia mengenalmu lebih dalam.
15.Jika sorang wanita memberi seribu satu alasan setiap kali kamu ajak keluar,tinggalkan dia karena dia memang tak berminat denganmu.
16.Tetapi jika dalam waktu yang sama dia menghubungimu atau menunggu panggilan darimu,teruskan usahamu untuk memikatnya.
17.Jangan sesekali menebak apa yang dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!!
18.Setelah sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan sering bertanya-tanya mengapa aku tak bertemu lelaki ini lebih awal.
19.Kalau kamu masih mencari-cari cara yang paling romantis untuk memikat hati sorang gadis,bacalah buku-buku cinta.
20.Bila setiap kali melihat foto bersama,yang pertama dicari oleh wanita ialah siapa yang berdiri di sebelah buah hatinya,kemudian barulah dirinya sendiri.
21.Mantan pacarnya akan selalu ada di pikirannya tetapi lelaki yang dicintainya sekarang akan berada di tempat teristimewa di hatinya!!
22.Satu ucapan ‘Hi’ saja sudah cukup menceriakan harinya.
23.Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang sedang dia rasa dan lalui.
24.Wanita paling benci lelaki yang berbaik-baik dengan mereka semata-mata untuk menggaet kawan mereka yang paling cantik.
25.Cinta berarti kesetiaan, jujur dan kebahagiaan tanpa syarat.
26.Semua wanita menginginkan seorang lelaki yang dicintainya dengan sepenuh hati..
27.Senjata wanita adalah airmata!!
28.Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang disayanginya memberi surprise buatnya (hadiah, bunga atau sekadar kata-kata romantis).Mereka akan terharu dan merasakan bahwa dirinya dicintai setulus hati.Dengan ini dia tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu.
29.Wanita mudah jatuh hati pada lelaki yang perhatian padanya dan baik terhadapnya.So,kalau mau memikat wanita pandai-pandailah..
30. Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita kerena apa yang dia mau hanyalah perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa.
Kamis, 08 September 2011 11.27
EMPAT POLA WATAK DASAR MANUSIA
SANGUINIS
KEKUATAN SANGUINIS:
* Suka bicara
* Secara fisik memegang pendengar, emosional dan demonstratif
* Antusias dan ekspresif
* Ceria dan penuh rasa ingin tahu
* Hidup di masa sekarang
* Mudah berubah (banyak kegiatan / keinginan)
* Berhati tulus dan kekanak-kanakan
* Senang kumpul dan berkumpul (untuk bertemu dan bicara)
* Umumnya hebat di permukaan
* Mudah berteman dan menyukai orang lain
* Senang dengan pujian dan ingin menjadi perhatian
* Menyenangkan dan dicemburui orang lain
* Mudah memaafkan (dan tidak menyimpan dendam)
* Mengambil inisiatif/ menghindar dari hal-hal atau keadaan yang membosankan
* Menyukai hal-hal yang spontan
KELEMAHAN SANGUINIS:
* Suara dan tertawa yang keras (terlalu keras)
* Membesar-besarkan suatu hal / kejadian
* Susah untuk diam
* Mudah ikut-ikutan atau dikendalikan oleh keadaan atau orang lain (suka nge-Gank)
* Sering minta persetujuan, termasuk hal-hal yang sepele
* RKP! (Rentang Konsentrasi Pendek)
* Dalam bekerja lebih suka bicara dan melupakan kewajiban (awalnya saja antusias)
* Mudah berubah-ubah
* Susah datang tepat waktu jam kantor
* Prioritas kegiatan kacau
* Mendominasi percakapan, suka menyela dan susah mendengarkan dengan tuntas
* Sering mengambil permasalahan orang lain, menjadi seolah-olah masalahnya
* Egoistis
* Sering berdalih dan mengulangi cerita-cerita yg sama
* Konsentrasi ke "How to spend money" daripada "How to earn/save money".
MELANKOLIS
KEKUATAN MELANKOLIS:
* Analitis, mendalam, dan penuh pikiran
* Serius dan bertujuan, serta berorientasi jadwal
* Artistik, musikal dan kreatif (filsafat & puitis)
* Sensitif
* Mau mengorbankan diri dan idealis
* Standar tinggi dan perfeksionis
* Senang perincian/memerinci, tekun, serba tertib dan teratur (rapi)
* Hemat
* Melihat masalah dan mencari solusi pemecahan kreatif (sering terlalu kreatif)
* Kalau sudah mulai, dituntaskan.
* Berteman dengan hati-hati.
* Puas di belakang layar, menghindari perhatian.
* Mau mendengar keluhan, setia dan mengabdi
* Sangat memperhatikan orang lain
KELEMAHAN MELANKOLIS:
* Cenderung melihat masalah dari sisi negatif (murung dan tertekan)
* Mengingat yang negatif & pendendam
* Mudah merasa bersalah dan memiliki citra diri rendah
* Lebih menekankan pada cara daripada tercapainya tujuan
* Tertekan pada situasi yg tidak sempurna dan berubah-ubah
* Melewatkan banyak waktu untuk menganalisa dan merencanakan (if..if..if..)
* Standar yang terlalu tinggi sehingga sulit disenangkan
* Hidup berdasarkan definisi
* Sulit bersosialisasi
* Tukang kritik, tetapi sensitif terhadap kritik/ yg menentang dirinya
* Sulit mengungkapkan perasaan (cenderung menahan kasih sayang)
* Rasa curiga yg besar (skeptis terhadap pujian)
* Memerlukan persetujuan
KOLERIS
KEKUATAN KOLERIS:
* Senang memimpin, membuat keputusan, dinamis dan aktif
* Sangat memerlukan perubahan dan harus mengoreksi kesalahan
* Berkemauan keras dan pasti untuk mencapai sasaran/ target
* Bebas dan mandiri
* Berani menghadapi tantangan dan masalah
* "Hari ini harus lebih baik dari kemarin, hari esok harus lebih baik dari hari ini".
* Mencari pemecahan praktis dan bergerak cepat
* Mendelegasikan pekerjaan dan orientasi berfokus pada produktivitas
* Membuat dan menentukan tujuan
* Terdorong oleh tantangan dan tantangan
* Tidak begitu perlu teman
* Mau memimpin dan mengorganisasi
* Biasanya benar dan punya visi ke depan
* Unggul dalam keadaan darurat
KELEMAHAN KOLERIS:
* Tidak sabar dan cepat marah (kasar dan tidak taktis)
* Senang memerintah
* Terlalu bergairah dan tidak/susah untuk santai
* Menyukai kontroversi dan pertengkaran
* Terlalu kaku dan kuat/ keras
* Tidak menyukai air mata dan emosi tidak simpatik
* Tidak suka yang sepele dan bertele-tele / terlalu rinci
* Sering membuat keputusan tergesa-gesa
* Memanipulasi dan menuntut orang lain, cenderung memperalat orang lain
* Menghalalkan segala cara demi tercapainya tujuan
* Workaholics (kerja adalah "tuhan"-nya)
* Amat sulit mengaku salah dan meminta maaf
* Mungkin selalu benar tetapi tidak populer
PLEGMATIS
KEKUATAN PLEGMATIS:
* Mudah bergaul, santai, tenang dan teguh
* Sabar, seimbang, dan pendengar yang baik
* Tidak banyak bicara, tetapi cenderung bijaksana
* Simpatik dan baik hati (sering menyembunyikan emosi)
* Kuat di bidang administrasi, dan cenderung ingin segalanya terorganisasi
* Penengah masalah yg baik
* Cenderung berusaha menemukan cara termudah
* Baik di bawah tekanan
* Menyenangkan dan tidak suka menyinggung perasaan
* Rasa humor yg tajam
* Senang melihat dan mengawasi
* Berbelaskasihan dan peduli
* Mudah diajak rukun dan damai
KELEMAHAN PLEGMATIS:
* Kurang antusias, terutama terhadap perubahan/ kegiatan baru
* Takut dan khawatir
* Menghindari konflik dan tanggung jawab
* Keras kepala, sulit kompromi (karena merasa benar)
* Terlalu pemalu dan pendiam
* Humor kering dan mengejek (Sarkatis)
* Kurang berorientasi pada tujuan
* Sulit bergerak dan kurang memotivasi diri
* Lebih suka sebagai penonton daripada terlibat
* Tidak senang didesak-desak
* Menunda-nunda / menggantungkan masalah.
Golongan Sanguinis, "Yang Populer". Mereka ini cenderung ingin populer, ingin disenangi oleh orang lain. Hidupnya penuh dengan bunga warna-warni. Mereka senang sekali bicara tanpa bisa dihentikan. Gejolak emosinya bergelombang dan transparan. Pada suatu saat ia berteriak kegirangan, dan beberapa saat kemudian ia bisa jadi menangis tersedu-sedu. Namun orang-orang sanguinis ini sedikit agak pelupa, sulit berkonsentrasi, cenderung berpikir 'pendek', dan hidupnya serba tak beratur.
Golongan melankoli, "Yang Sempurna". Agak berseberangan dengan sang sanguinis. Cenderung serba teratur, rapi, terjadwal, tersusun sesuai pola. Umumnya mereka ini suka dengan fakta-fakta, data-data, angka-angka dan sering sekali memikirkan segalanya secara mendalam. Dalam sebuah pertemuan, orang sanguinis selalu saja mendominasi pembicaraan, namun orang melankoli cenderung menganalisa, memikirkan, mempertimbangkan, lalu kalau bicara pastilah apa yang ia katakan betul-betul hasil yang ia pikirkan secara mendalam sekali. Orang melankoli selalu ingin serba sempurna. Segala sesuatu ingin teratur.
Golongan Koleris, "Yang Kuat". Mereka ini suka sekali mengatur orang, suka tunjuk-tunjuk atau perintah-perintah orang. Ia tak ingin ada penonton dalam aktivitasnya. Bahkan tamu pun bisa saja ia `suruh' melalukan sesuatu untuknya. Akibat sifatnya yang `bossy' itu membuat banyak orang koleris tak punya banyak teman. Orang-orang berusaha menghindar, menjauh agar tak jadi `korban' karakternya yang suka `ngatur' dan tak mau kalah itu. Orang koleris senang dengan tantangan, suka petualangan. Mereka punya rasa, "hanya saya yang bisa menyelesaikan segalanya; tanpa saya berantakan semua". Karena itu mereka sangat "goal oriented", tegas, kuat, cepat dan tangkas mengerjakan sesuatu. Baginya tak ada istilah tidak mungkin. Kalau ia sudah kobarkan semangat "ya pasti jadi", maka hampir dapat dipastikan apa yang akan ia lakukan akan tercapai seperti yang ia katakan. Sebab ia tak mudah menyerah, tak mudah pula mengalah.
Golongan Phlegmatis "Cinta Damai". Kelompok ini tak suka terjadi konflik, karena itu disuruh apa saja ia mau lakukan, sekalipun ia sendiri nggak suka. Baginya kedamaian adalah segala-galanya. Jika timbul masalah atau pertengkaran, ia akan berusaha mencari solusi yang damai tanpa timbul pertengkaran. Ia mau merugi sedikit atau rela sakit, asalkan masalahnya nggak terus berkepanjangan. Kaum phlegmatis kurang bersemangat, kurang teratur dan serba dingin. Cenderung diam, kalem, dan kalau memecahkan masalah umumnya sangat menyenangkan. Dengan sabar ia mau jadi pendengar yang baik, tapi kalau disuruh untuk mengambil keputusan ia akan terus menunda-nunda. Kalau anda lihat tiba-tiba ada sekelompok orang berkerumun mengelilingi satu orang yang asyik bicara terus, maka pastilah para pendengar yang berkerumun itu orang-orang phlegmatis. Sedang yang bicara tentu saja sang Sanguinis. Kadang sedikit serba salah berurusan dengan para phlegmatis ini. Ibarat keledai, "kalau didorong ngambek, tapi kalau dibiarin nggak jalan". Jadi kalau anda punya staf atau pegawai phlegmatis, anda harus rajin memotivasinya sampai ia termotivasi sendiri oleh dirinya.
Florence Litteur, berdasarkan penelitiannya bertahun-tahun telah melihat bahwa ternyata keempat watak itu pada dasarnya juga dimiliki setiap orang. Yang beda hanyalah `kadar'nya. Oleh sebab itu muncullah beberapa kombinasi watak manusia. Ada orang yang tergolong Koleris Sanguinis. Artinya kedua watak itu dominan sekali dalam mempengaruhi cara kerja dan pola hubungannya dengan orang lain. Di sekitar kita banyak sekali orang-orang koleris sanguinis ini. Ia suka mengatur-atur orang, tapi juga senang bicara (dan mudah juga jadi pelupa). Ada pula golongan Koleris Melankolik. Mungkin anda akan kurang suka bergaul dengan dia. Bicaranya dingin, kalem, baku, suka mengatur, tak mau kalah dan terasa kadang menyakitkan (walaupun sebetulnya ia tak bermaksud begitu). Setiap jawaban anda selalu ia kejar sampai mendalam. Sehingga kadang serasa diintrogasi, sebab memang ia ingin sempurna, tahu secara lengkap dan agak dingin. Menghadapi orang koleris melankolik, anda harus pahami saja sifatnya yang memang `begitu' dan tingkatkan kesabaran anda. Yang penting sekarang anda tahu, bahwa ia sebetulnya juga baik, namun tampak di permukaan kadang kurang simpatik, itu saja. Lain lagi dengan kaum Phlegmatis Melankolik. Pembawaannya diam, tenang, tapi ingat. semua yang anda katakan, akan ia pikirkan, ia analisa. Lalu saat mengambil keputusan pastilah keputusannya berdasarkan perenungan yang mendalam dan ia pikirkan matang-matang. Banyak lagi tentunya kombinasi-kombinasi yang ada pada tiap manusia. Akan tetapi yang penting adalah bagaimana memanfaatkannya dalam berbagai aktivitas hidup kita. Tanpa orang sanguinis, dunia ini akan terasa sepi. Tanpa orang melankoli, mungkin tak ada kemajuan di bidang riset, keilmuan dan budaya. Tanpa kaum koleris, dunia ini akan berantakan tanpa arah dan tujuan. Tanpa sang phlegmatis, tiada orang bijak yang mampu mendamaikan dunia. Yang penting bukan mana yang terbaik. Sebab kita semua bisa mengasah keterampilan kita berhubungan dengan orang lain (interpersonal skill). Seorang yang ahli dalam berurusan dengan orang lain, ia akan mudah beradaptasi dengan berbagai watak itu.
Penyebab citra diri yang buruk
1. Citra tubuh yang negatif
Merasa kecil hati ketika membandingkan penampilan diri yang kurang menarik, dengan orang lain.
2. Kritik orang tua yang berlebihan
Kritik dari orang tua yang berlebihan, bisa membuat si anak merasa tidak berharga. Anak-anak harus mendapatkan penghargaan atas setiap usaha yang mereka lakukan untuk memperoleh kemajuan, di bidang apa pun. Dengan dukungan penuh orang tua, si anak akan memperoleh rasa percaya diri dan self-esteem, yang tentu berkembang.
3. Kritik terhadap diri sendiri yang berlebihan
Anak yang terlalu membesar-besarkan kritik terhadap dirinya sendiri, akan menghambat perkembangan dirinya menjadi orang yang penuh percaya diri.
4. Pembanding kronis
Orang tua selalu membandingkan anaknya dengan anak-anak orang lain.
5. Dituntut sempurna
Orang tua sering menuntut anaknya menjadi sempurna dan sang anak berusaha untuk memenuhinya. Padahal tidak ada seorang pun yang sempurna. Karena si anak berusaha menjadi orang yang sempurna seperti yang diharapkan orang tuanya, hal tersebut mendorong timbulnya rasa tidak aman pada si anak.
6. Perasaan tak berdaya
Input negatif yang terus menerus datang dari orang lain merampas atau menghancurkan semua harapan yang dimiliki si anak.
Articles in English
What Children Learn From Life
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
19 Simple Ways to Get Happy
Take control of your mood and improve your health.
State of Mind
Happiness is ephemeral, subject to the vagaries of everything from the weather to the size of your bank account.
We're not suggesting that you can reach a permanent state called "happiness" and remain there. But there are many ways to swerve off the path of anxiety, anger, frustration, and sadness into a state of happiness once or even several times throughout the day. Here are 19 ideas to get you started. Choose the ones that work for you. If tuning out the news or making lists will serve only to stress you further, try another approach.
1. Practice mindfulness. Be in the moment. Instead of worrying about your checkup tomorrow while you have dinner with your family, focus on the here and now -- the food, the company, the conversation.
2. Laugh out loud. Just anticipating a happy, funny event can raise levels of endorphins and other pleasure-inducing hormones and lower production of stress hormones. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, tested 16 men who all agreed they thought a certain videotape was funny. Half were told three days in advance they would watch it. They started experiencing biological changes right away. When they actually watched the video, their levels of stress hormones dropped significantly, while their endorphin levels rose 27 percent and their growth hormone levels (indicating benefit to the immune system) rose 87 percent.
3. Go to sleep. We have become a nation of sleep-deprived citizens. Taking a daily nap or getting into bed at 8 p.m. one night with a good book -- and turning the light out an hour later -- can do more for your mood and outlook on life than any number of bubble baths or massages.
4. Hum along. Music soothes more than the savage beast. Studies find music activates parts of the brain that produce happiness -- the same parts activated by food or sex. It's also relaxing. In one study older adults who listened to their choice of music during outpatient eye surgery had significantly lower heart rates, blood pressure, and cardiac workload (that is, their heart didn't have to work as hard) as those who had silent surgery.
5. Declutter. It's nearly impossible to meditate, breathe deeply, or simply relax when every surface is covered with papers and bills and magazines, your cabinets bulge, and you haven't balanced your checkbook in six months. Plus, the repetitive nature of certain cleaning tasks -- such as sweeping, wiping, and scrubbing -- can be meditative in and of itself if you focus on what you're doing.
6. Just say no. Eliminate activities that aren't necessary and that you don't enjoy. If there are enough people already to handle the church bazaar and you're feeling stressed by the thought of running the committee for yet another year, step down and let someone else handle things.
7. Make a list. There's nothing like writing down your tasks to help you organize your thoughts and calm your anxiety. Checking off each item provides a great sense of fulfillment.
8. Do one thing at a time. Edward Suarez, Ph.D., associate professor of medical psychology at Duke, found that people who multitask are more likely to have high blood pressure. Take that finding to heart. Instead of talking on the phone while you fold laundry or clean the kitchen, sit down in a comfortable chair and turn your entire attention over to the conversation. Instead of checking e-mail as you work on other projects, turn off your e-mail function until you finish the report you're writing. This is similar to the concept of mindfulness.
9. Garden. Not only will the fresh air and exercise provide their own stress reduction and feeling of well-being, but the sense of accomplishment that comes from clearing a weedy patch, watching seeds turn into flowers, or pruning out dead wood will last for hours, if not days.
10. Tune out the news. For one week go without reading the newspaper, watching the news, or scanning the headlines online. Instead, take a vacation from the misery we're exposed to every day via the media and use that time for a walk, a meditation session, or to write in your journal.
Block and Focus
11. Have a pet. There are numerous studies that attest to the stress-relieving benefits of pets. In one analysis researchers evaluated the heart health of 240 couples, half of whom owned a pet. Those couples with pets had significantly lower heart rates and blood pressure levels when exposed to stressors than the couples who did not have pets. In fact, the pets worked even better at buffering stress than the spouses did.
12. Scent the air. Research finds that the benefits of aromatherapy in relieving stress are real. In one study people exposed to rosemary had lower anxiety levels, increased alertness, and performed math computations faster. Adults exposed to lavender showed an increase in the type of brain waves that suggest increased relaxation. Today you have a variety of room-scenting methods, from plug-in air fresheners to essential oil diffusers, potpourri, and scented candles.
13. Visit a quiet place. Libraries, museums, gardens, and places of worship provide islands of peace and calm in today's frantic world. Find a quiet place near your house and make it your secret getaway.
14. Volunteer. Helping others enables you to put your own problems into perspective and also provides social interaction. While happy people are more likely to help others, helping others increases your happiness. One study found that volunteer work enhanced all six aspects of well-being: happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of control over life, physical health, and depression.
15. Spend time alone. Although relationships are one of the best antidotes to stress, sometimes you need time alone to recharge and reflect. Take yourself out to lunch or to a movie, or simply spend an afternoon reading, browsing in a bookstore, or antiquing.
16. Walk mindfully. You probably already know that exercise is better than tranquilizers for relieving anxiety and stress. But what you do with your mind while you're walking can make your walk even more beneficial. In a study called the Ruth Stricker Mind/Body Study, researchers divided 135 people into five groups of walkers for 16 weeks. Group one walked briskly, group two at a slow pace, and group three at a slow pace while practicing "mindfulness," a mental technique to bring about the relaxation response, a physiological response in which the heart rate slows and blood pressure drops. This group was asked to pay attention to their footsteps, counting one, two, one, two, and to visualize the numbers in their mind. Group four practiced a form of tai chi, and group five served as the control, changing nothing about their lives. The group practicing mindfulness showed significant declines in anxiety and had fewer negative and more positive feelings about themselves. Overall they experienced the same stress-reducing effects of the brisk walkers. Better yet, the effects were evident immediately.
17. Give priority to close relationships. One study of more than 1,300 men and women of various ages found that those who had a lot of supportive friends were much more likely to have healthier blood pressure, cholesterol levels, blood sugar metabolism, and stress hormone levels than those with two or fewer close friends. Women, and to a lesser extent men, also seemed to benefit from good relationships with their parents and spouses. Studies also find that people who feel lonely, depressed, and isolated are three to five times more likely to get sick and die prematurely than those who have feelings of love, connection, and community.
18. Take care of the soul. In study after study, actively religious people are happier and cope better with crises, according to David Myers, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. For many people faith provides a support community, a sense of life's meaning, feelings of ultimate acceptance, a reason to focus beyond yourself, and a timeless perspective on life's woes. Even if you're not religious, a strong spirituality may offer similar benefits.
19. Count your blessings. People who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, etc.) experience a heightened sense of well-being.
8 Ways to Manage Stress
Easy ways to reduce the stress in your life.
Stress is a normal part of life and usually comes from everyday occurrences. Here are some ways you can deal with everyday sources of stress.
1. Eliminate as many sources of stress as you can. For example, if crowds bother you, go to the supermarket when you know the lines won't be too long. Try renting videotapes rather than going to crowded movie theaters. Clear up the clutter in your life by giving away or throwing away the things that get in your way. A garage sale is one effective way to do this.
2. If you are always running late, sit down with a pencil and paper and see how you are actually allotting your time. Say it takes you 40 minutes to get to work. Are you leaving your house on time? You may be able to solve your problem (and de-stress your life a bit) just by being realistic. If you can't find the time for all the activities that are important to you, maybe you are trying to do too much. Again, make a list of what you do during the day and how much each activity takes. Then cut back.
3. Avoid predictably stressful situations. If a certain sport or game makes you tense (whether it's tennis or bridge), decline the invitation to play. After all, the point of these activities is to have a good time. If you know you won't, there's no reason to play.
4. If you can't remove the stress, remove yourself. Slip away once in a while for some private time. These quiet moments may give you a fresh perspective on your problems. Avoid stressful people. For example, if you don't get along with your father-in-law but you don't want to make an issue of it, invite other in-laws at the same time you invite him. Having other people around will absorb some of the pressure you would normally feel.
5. Competing with others, whether in accomplishments, appearance, or possessions, is an avoidable source of stress. You might know people who do all they can to provoke envy in others. While it may seem easy to say you should be satisfied with what you have, it's the truth. Stress from this kind of jealousy is self-inflicted.
6. Laborsaving devices, such as cellular phones or computer hookups, often encourage us to cram too many activities into each day. Before you buy new equipment, be sure that it will really improve your life. Be aware that taking care of equipment and getting it repaired can be stressful.
7. Try doing only one thing at a time. For example, when you're riding your exercise bike, you don't have to listen to the radio or watch television.
8. Remember, sometimes it's okay to do nothing.
Feel Good About Yourself
An important health factor that influences more than your appearance.
Scientists are learning more and more every day about the link between your mind and your health. Stress, depression, and anger have all been shown to pave the way to illness and disease. On the other hand, if you feel good about yourself, have a positive outlook, and maintain an active involvement in life, you're more likely to be happy -- and healthy.
The Importance of Self-Esteem
Many things -- genetics, environment, the food you eat, illness, sleep, even the seasons -- influence your emotional state. But at the heart of it is how you regard yourself. If you have a healthy level of self-esteem, you not only cope with life's challenges better than people with low self-esteem, but you're probably more content, confident, and successful. You're probably also healthier. Studies show that positive self-esteem actually helps inoculate people against depression and anxiety, conditions that may pose increased risk of everything from colds to osteoporosis to heart disease.
Most people's sense of worth is rooted in their childhood -- in the early approval or disapproval of parents, teachers, and friends. But as we get older, most of us judge ourselves by our sense of how effectively we're managing in the world, especially in the areas of love and work. Our ability to love and be loved can give our lives a sense of purpose and deep fulfillment. We can also find satisfaction and pride in work-related accomplishments, and the people we meet and work with can reinforce our sense of self and our role in life.
Bolstering Your Self-Worth
If you find your self-esteem eroding a bit, there are plenty of ways to build it back up again.
· Talk back to your inner critic. Become conscious of how hard you're being on yourself, and counter a negative attitude with some positive self-talk.
· Let yourself off the hook. As the saying goes, it's better to try something and fail than to be successful at not trying anything. Focus on goals that are linked to activities you're really interested in so you'll enjoy a sense of purpose and derive pleasure from the pursuit whether or not you achieve your goal in full.
· Take time for yourself. Read the paper, keep a journal, go for a swim. This is especially important for women, who are often so busy nurturing others that they neglect their own needs and interests.
The Enneagram
The Enneagram (a word derived from the Greek language, meaning "nine points") is an increasingly popular tool that supports people in understanding themselves and others. It interprets how differences and similarities in personality affect people's relationships, the workplace and thoughts and feelings.
Because it answers the age-old question, "Why do people do what they do?", this knowledge moves people toward healing. The Enneagram presents nine personality types by investigating our unconscious motivations as human beings. In the process, human behavior becomes understandable.
The nine types are:
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One, the Worker — an intense, hard working, focused perfectionist.
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Two, the Helper — an empathetic, service-oriented, flattering rescuer.
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Three, the Motivator — an image-oriented, accomplished, efficient performer.
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Four, the Individualist — a self-absorbed, sensitive, creative overanalyzer.
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Five, the Observer — a noncommittal, deliberate, reflective loner.
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Six, the Networker — a responsible, opinionated, community-oriented moralist.
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Seven, the Visionary — an analytical, entertaining, self-indulgent visionary.
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Eight, the Activator — a competitive, practical, passionate maneuverer.
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Nine, the Universalist — a secretive, unemotional, affable problem solver for others.
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ONE: THE WORKER
If you are a One, it is likely that you:
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Obey (or fight with) an inner voice that points out your faults and mistakes and tells you how you could have done things better.
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Measure everything – especially yourself and your own performance – by exacting standards because there is a right and wrong way to do everything.
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Work long and hard, and expect others to do the same, but feel guilty if you say so because you also feel you must be kind, amiable and fair toward others.
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Have to finish all your work before you can play, but somehow all the work never seems to get done.
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Tend to make To-Do lists – either verbal or written for yourself and others.
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Have to meet all needs of the people around you before you can meet your own and therefore usually put yourself last on your own list.
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Often feel resentment, which you try to mask so that others don’t see or feel it.
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Reflect on issues until you can state your conclusion with the conviction that you are right.
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Believe that, because you’ve thought it through so clearly, your way is usually the right and best way to do something.
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Encourage others to be as responsible as you feel you are.
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Are a high energy person who desires to get a lot done.
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Are a private person who is guarded in conversation lest you reveal more about yourself than you want others to know.
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TWO: THE HELPER
If are a Two, it is likely that you:
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Believe the way of service is the most valid way to live.
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Are able to respond to most any human need presented to you.
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Believe most people aren’t grateful enough for all that you do for them.
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Naturally focus on other people and their interests in conversations rather than talk about yourself.
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Comment so as not to hurt other people or put them on edge.
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Use words to maintain distance when another person becomes too pushy.
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Are aware of other people’s sensitive areas and use that ability either to help them or, if they do something offensive or hurtful, comment to temper their behavior.
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Find that other people depend on you and you can feel overburdened in these relationships.
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Believe the world would benefit if others chose the way of service as you do.
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Are known for your personal approach to problems but not necessarily for your objectivity.
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Prefer group process and stand by decisions that emerge from it.
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Take a long time to make decisions so others won’t be hurt or disappointed by a rash decision.
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THREE: THE MOTIVATOR
If you are a Three, it is likely that you:
Have a talent and a need for accomplishment.
Feel challenged by any task you choose.
Always have a list of your goals, either written or mental.
Are personable and know how to convince people to cooperate with you and with each other to accomplish a goal.
Depend on your ability to put aside your true responses and be what you feel other people expect you to be.
Know how to present yourself in a positive light but can be an internal pessimist when it comes to your own self-esteem.
Are a free thinker who doesn’t pay homage to other people, no matter how important, erudite or celebrated they may be.
Can create a positive attitude that energizes entire groups.
Dislike negative talk or “bad attitude” because you feel that pessimism drags everyone down and blocks the creative force necessary to keep moving forward.
Are motivated by rewards, so if you rest on your laurels for any length of time, you find yourself asking, “Is this all there is?”
Can descend into self-pity or depression that may express itself as anger when you feel caught in circumstances that prevent you from achieving.
Meet criticism of you or your work with a strong and well-worded response.
FOUR: THE INDIVIDUALIST
If you are a Four, it is likely that you:
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See the world through a wide range of bright and dark, subtle and dramatic emotions.
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Can easily find yourself in a dark mood because the world is a difficult place and it’s so hard to get what youwant out of life.
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Are able to initiate original programs and projects.
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Are attracted to any activities or pursuits that stimulate emotion, allow you to express feeling, or combine your native interests in personal expression and relationships.
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Have an aversion to mediocrity and therefore love both traditional and off-beat complex things, people and situations.
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Seek to understand why other people do what they do and have insight into situations.
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Believe the world would be a better place if everyone tried harder to understand themselves and others.
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Find it easy both to be contrite for your mistakes and justify your behavior, depending on the situation and the people in it.
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Seek to be understood and feel you have the right to it.
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Tend either to be quiet or freely divulge personal information, and especially to explain your feelings.
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Tend to deal with conflicts with authority by laying all your cards on the table, even though it is difficult to trust everything will turn out all right.
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Believe that being an honest and authentic person is an important value most people don’t take seriously enough.
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FIVE: THE OBSERVER
If you are a Five, it is likely that you:
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Like to stand back and take a long, cool look before you draw conclusions or make decisions.
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Don’t like feelings to get in the way of logic.
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Notice the quirks in life and people and use dry humor to comment on them.
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Express your commitment to and love for others by sharing your ideas with them.
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Enjoy piercing to the core of an issue and understanding it.
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Are known for being both consistent and persistent in expressing your ideas.
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Generally don’t say anything unless you have something important to say.
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Wonder why other people say so many things that don’t need to be said, repeat themselves, and go off the topic.
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Find that other people usually don’t understand your ideas.
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Tend to leave social overtures to the other party and social arrangements to your partner or best friend.
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Find small talk boring and avoid situations in which you may be required to create it.
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Need little by way of “creature comforts” except in one or two areas in which you often indulge yourself.
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SIX: THE NETWORKER
If you are a Six, it is likely that you:
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Keep a full schedule and enjoy being active.
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Like people to tell you that you are performing well and that you are loved, respected and appreciated.
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Think the most respectful way to make a decision is to gather the opinions of those who will be affected by it and take this information into account as you make it.
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Value the cards, notes and letters people give you and appreciate the gifts people give you as symbols of their respect.
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Consider it an element of prudence to gain the appropriate credentials you need to do your job and similarly appreciate others who have achieved credentials for their work.
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Like to know the rules, customs or norms in a situation so you can determine the way you want to respond.
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Appreciate order, ceremony and protocol, and like having a person or group set these parameters and put them into effect.
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Are responsible and wonder why others can be irresponsible.
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Sometimes feel you are too responsible and need to strike out on your own and have your own way.
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Do your share of the work and wish others would do the same.
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Let others know your feelings when they are consistently ungrateful for your hard work, though it may take you a long time to reach the point of saying something.
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Appreciate those who support you and make their decisions in the light of the needs of all.
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SEVEN: THE VISIONARY
If you are a Seven, it is likely that you:
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Are known for your enthusiasm, sunny disposition and humor.
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Are a sociable person who always has something to talk about and knows how to keep the conversation going.
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Line up several fun activities for your time off and often decide only at the last minute which ones you’ll do.
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Like most people and enjoy helping them whenever you can.
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Experience other people’s expectations as limiting your freedom and tend to resent and reject them.
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Feel that life’s challenges are opportunities to pull out all the stops and prove you are clever enough to beat them.
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Have an inventive mind, but your love of new experiences can distract you from following through on your ideas.
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Like to work in team situations in which everyone’s enthusiasm about a project keeps the ball rolling and everyone’s strengths can make up for each person’s weaknesses.
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Respond to intense situations by finding a humorous side to them, changing the topic, or leaving the situation physically or mentally.
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Find it easy to come up with solutions to world situations or other people’s problems.
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Are stimulated by intellectual sparring and being on the cutting edge of a new venture.
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Are “turned off” at the thought of your life being stable, secure and routine.
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EIGHT: THE ACTIVATOR
If you are an Eight, it is likely that you:
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Enjoy having influence in all situations important to you, either from behind the scenes or in obvious leadership.
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Find it natural to manage resources and expect that at least your fair share of this worlds good fortune will come your way.
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Attempt to make your presence strongly felt in the physical world because inside you can feel unimportant.
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Can feel almost invisible until there’s a crisis and people need your strength and competency.
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Can fight for a cause you know is right and let the chips fall where they may.
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Can be gentle, warm and affectionate when you are around children, with animals, or in service to those who are oppressed.
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Can use your power to protect and guide your family and are capable of dealing strongly with and even intimidating family members, whether you want to or not.
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Are dedicated to values you perceive as important for survival or happiness for family members and friends.
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Have clear and firm ideas about what is right and wrong in situations important to you.
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Are generally on the alert for people with hidden agendas.
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Find that people who never directly say what is on their minds are the most irritating and difficult people to deal with.
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Are a practical person who understands what it takes to get the job done.
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NINE: THE UNIVERSALIST
If you are a Nine, it is likely that you:
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Are known for being friendly and affable even when inside you feel very different.
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Generally like to get along with others, even to the point of verbally agreeing with them and then privately doing what you want or intended all along.
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Reserve personal communication to very few people.
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Are willing to do your work but also conserve a good portion of your time for relaxation and play.
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Don’t like to fight, argue or push yourself to get ahead.
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Generally hold your competitive drive in check and expend it in games and sports.
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Prefer living by routines you can rely on and find changes in schedules or plans distasteful and/or annoying.
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Have a place in your home to which you gravitate when nothing else is going on.
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Find yourself resolving conflicts and/or dealing with failure by saying things like “It doesn’t matter” or “It’s no big deal.”
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Can find yourself dwelling on past offenses and feeling caught in unresolved emotions, which cause you to believe others don’t value you as much as they do other people.
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Feel best about yourself when you have a good reputation and know you have earned the respect of others.
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Enjoy outdoor activities and find in nature a source of freedom and peace.
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Why Learn the Enneagram?People make relationships, and personality makes people what they are. That's why understanding your personality and others' can enhance relationships and promote healing.
Of all the tools available to understand personality, the Enneagram is the easiest to grasp and make use of. Describing nine personality types, in the hands of Kathi Griffin the Enneagram is easy to learn, fun and interesting. The Enneagram describes how personality affects our journey through life with all its ups and downs, and it offers practical suggestions for improving our success and satisfaction.
While the Enneagram acknowledges that every person is unique, it also says that one of the nine personality types described above has become your "operating type." This is the foundation of your way of dealing with the world. Each person's uniqueness is the result of the many other factors that are a part of our formation, such as genetics, education both formal and informal, birth order, body type, cultural influences, etc.
Understanding Yourself
Some people feel that acknowledging one type as their own is limiting. Actually, the opposite is true. By seeing oneself through the "lens" of one Enneagram type, people finally understand aspects of themselves that have been mysteries for years. Qualities and habits they dislike but thought were innate now are seen as changeable. Most importantly, a path for improvement, relief from self-destructive patterns, change and growth becomes clear. Each of the nine types has its own unique path to fulfillment!
Also, the core of each Enneagram type is a gift to be discovered — a surprise delight at the core of our beings. Often in daily life we don't see it or only have glimpses of it because we are preoccupied with responding to life's cares and anxieties. Taking time to learn about oneself through the Enneagram reveals this gift and the joy associated with it.
Understanding Others
The Enneagram describes nine different ways of being in the world. Your way is only one of them. Others are different, and the Enneagram makes those differences understandable. With understanding comes the possibility of communication, compassion and improved effectiveness. There are nine different sets of values people live by; nine different ways they evaluate what is good and bad, right and wrong, pleasurable and distasteful; and nine different sets of needs people expect others and life to fulfill. The Enneagram makes sense out of all the impressions of people you have gathered over your life.
Each type describes a limited good which the person who espouses it claims is absolute. Therein lies the core difficulty people have in enjoying life completely. Mistaking a limited good for complete wholeness means the reality of a satisfying life will always elude us. Until the clear mirror of the Enneagram shows us our faulty perception, we can't see our problem and not seeing it, we don't even know we can solve it.
What Are the Benefits of Learning the Enneagram?By using the Enneagram, you can:
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Uncover motivations in others and yourself.
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Move around relationship roadblocks.
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Improve communication both at home and at work.
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Identify your self-harming behaviors and discover healing for them.
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Eliminate self-defeating patterns of thinking, feeling and acting.
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Achieve your goals.
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Apply practical insight to create effective relationships.
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Create a personal spirituality.
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How Does the Enneagram Work?
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The Enneagram reveals patterns in people's thinking, feeling and behaving.
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Previously mystifying words and actions become understandable and clear.
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It shows how people are patterned more than we would at first think.
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It shows where those patterns are both helpful and self-harming.
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It points the way to making new choices.
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Why Is the Enneagram Gaining Popularity?
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This system is so accurate that people easily recognize themselves and others in their lives.
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It clearly names and describes the issues which, if worked upon, produce maximum personal benefit.
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Its application is diverse — business, psychology, team building, personal relationships and spirituality are but a few examples.
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It unravels the hidden dynamics of relationships with far greater ease and clarity than any other model.
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One: the Worker — an intense, hard working, focused perfectionist. Ones experience life as a struggle in which they are expected to make a contribution and improve the world. Mostly active and on the go, they are energetically dedicated to their work and responsibilities, however they define them. Their need to feel "right" is the motivation behind several common characteristics like researching how to accomplish a project before doing it and working overtime to meet their responsibilities.
One: the Worker. Ones are highly focused and intense people who measure everything — especially themselves and their own performance — by perfectionistic standards. Often presenting the smiling, sociable side of their personalities to the world, they experience great interior pressure to work hard and to be fair, moderate, just, kind, and amiable in the process. They keep a tight reign on all their emotions, especially anger, in order to attain the perfectly acceptable response. An insistent mental voice criticizes them if they do not live up to all these standards; often it causes them to criticize others as well. Ones feel caught in imperfection and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel perfect.
Ones lead with the Doing Center and are focused on responding, achieving. Their support Feeling Center causes them to take their doing personally and want to do things right. Their Thinking Center is underactualized, which means they can’t get the big picture, focus on details, and are opinionated — the underactualized Thinking Center is the critical voice in their minds
Two: the Helper — an empathetic, service-oriented, flattering rescuer. Often warm and relational in type, Twos experience life as a succession of situations that need their energy and input. They pride themselves on responding to people and situations to meet needs and often keep busy — even hectic — schedules as a result. However, most people wouldn’t know how pressured Twos feel. Able to make others comfortable almost instantly, they draw others out while keeping their own thoughts and feelings to themselves.
Two: the Helper. Twos have an extraordinary sensitivity to human feeling and need. They focus their attention on responding to the needs of others and are blind to any needs or shortcomings in themselves. Being both perceptive and responsive, they disarm others by creating a safe atmosphere that invites people to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Twos both easily create dependent relationships and come to depend on others' gratitude for their sense of well-being and worth. This emphasis on the interpersonal can easily lead to unfinished projects and/or broken deadlines. Twos feel caught in their own personal needs and so strive to avoid them; they want to feel needed.
Twos lead with the Feeling Center and are focused on the world of feelings and needs, especially in others. Their Support Doing Center orients them to responding to those emotions and needs. Their underactualized Thinking Center causes them to have difficulty planning their day and their lives and instead focus on the human problem right in front of them.
Three: the Motivator — an image-oriented, accomplished, efficient performer. Threes experience life as a series of tasks to be accomplished and use their drive, focus and energy to complete them. Coming across as competent, confident and capable is important to these high energy workers. Often outwardly personable, they can remain internally detached from people as they focus on completing tasks. They often find other people’s feelings and questions slowing them down in their quest for achievement.
Three: the Motivator. Threes are active, goal-oriented, future-oriented, and work-oriented. Whether or not they themselves are aware of their inner world of feelings and ideas, they usually reveal only the most pleasant and ingratiating aspects of their inner life; thus, they are personable without being personal. Possessing an uncanny ability to read other people's motives even from afar, they use this political ability to find their way around or through other people's needs and agendas in order to secure their own success. Being naturally optimistic, they walk away from negative people and situations. Threes feel caught in failure and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel competent, capable, and successful.
Threes lead with the Feeling Center but it is also underactualized in them. Leading with Feeling gives them their focus on image and their personable approach to people. Underactualized Feeling makes them aloof and difficult to know personally or intimately. Most of their personality comes from the other two centers. They are known for all they can accomplish — evidence of the Doing Center. They have goals and plans, can organize and be efficient — evidence of the Thinking Center.
Four: the Individualist — a self-absorbed, sensitive, creative overanalyzer. Fours experience life as a series of interpersonal encounters, even as they feel overwhelmed by life’s practical necessities. For them, life is a highly personal experience that demands an authentic response. They feel intensely about anything or anyone important to them and feel compelled to express their feelings. Analyzing situations and their own experience occupies much of their time as they search for creative and artistic means of expressing themselves.
Four: the Individualist. Fours are emotionally sensitive people — first toward themselves, and then toward others. Emotions, both positive and negative, are the lens through which they view the world. This focus on emotions is both a strength and a weakness. The strength lies in their creative sensitivities which lead them to initiate new and original programs and/or innovative ideas that will enhance existing programs. The weakness lies in their tendency to take everything personally and to identify everything that could go wrong with a project before they are able to give their wholehearted support. When their emotions are balanced with objectivity, Fours excel in communication and relational skills. Fours feel caught in their own ordinariness and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel unique.
Fours lead with the Feeling Center and so are hyper-aware of the world of emotions and human needs, especially their own. Their Support Thinking Center encourages them to analyze and ponder feelings and needs. Their Doing Center is underactualized, and so they do only what feels good, lack self-confidence, and withdraw from the world.
Five: the Observer — a noncommittal, deliberate, reflective loner. Fives experience life as a series of ideas and experiences to be absorbed and analyzed. Reluctant to commit themselves to other people and their projects, they often spend their free time by themselves pursuing things that interest them. Easily bored, they enjoy the adventure of learning and will extend themselves to gain new knowledge. They can hold fast to their idea in the face of opposition or criticism because they consider themselves the expert on the topics they have studied.
Five: the Observer. Fives are emotionally distant and reserved people who strive for a dispassionate perspective. While they can feel deeply about life, they detach themselves from their feelings to attain the higher goal of objectivity; thus, their first love is knowledge and information, and their great desire is to distill knowledge into wisdom. By separating feeling from fact they pierce to the core of an issue; consequently, their mental acuity is often matched only by their tactlessness. They approach life as experts whose dry sense of humor supports them as they connect with a social world in which they feel uncomfortable. Fives feel caught in their own emptiness and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel full of knowledge.
Fives lead with the Thinking Center and so see the world as an endless source of information. Their Support Feeling Center causes them to discover how that information relates to them personally. Their underactualized Doing Center causes them to over plan, lack self-confidence, and observe the world.
Six: the Networker — a responsible, opinionated, community-oriented moralist. Sixes experience life as a series of responsibilities which they are never quite sure they are fulfilling. Often energetic and lively, they enjoy having full schedules and keeping busy. Loyalty and commitment are virtues they value and they find it difficult to deal with people who do not share their values. Highly dedicated, they devote their energy to the group or groups that mean the most to them and need back from those people their affirmation and respect.
Six: the Networker. Sixes are responsible people who are driven in their activity by an underlying sense of anxiety as well as a desire to be included. Often in a sociable and gracious way, they express these needs as desires for personal contact and reassurance. Sixes have deep needs for group relationships; thus, family and/or a professional, community, or social group become the recipients of their dedication and loyalty. They are information-oriented people who seem always to need one more fact, one more view point to feel confident. They are team players who find independent decision making difficult. Sixes feel caught in personal anxiety and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel secure.
Sixes lead with the Thinking Center but it is also underactualized in them. Leading with Thinking makes them want information. Underactualized Thinking makes them gather too much information, sort it through endlessly, and come to many conclusions. Most of their personality comes from the other two centers. They are responsible, active, energetic — evidence of the Doing Center. They are sociable, networkers, and want to be liked — evidence of the Feeling Center.
Seven: the Visionary — an analytical, entertaining, self-indulgent visionary. Often enthusiastic and funny, Sevens experience life as a banquet whose every delicacy must be savored. Their attitude is, if you don’t enjoy something why bother doing it? There are too many valuable experiences that can be enjoyed. Easily engaged in new interests, Sevens have active minds that rarely slow down. They may need support in following through on difficult tasks because their multiple interests easily distract them.
Seven: the Visionary. Sevens are optimistic, happy, and fun-loving idealists who can't admit of problems that can't be solved or situations that can't be fixed. These are often mentally creative people with overactive minds who have difficulty following through on their plans and ideas without the support of others who are more practical. Sevens, who are enthusiastic communicators and socially charming, need to balance their idealism with a heavy dose of realism, focused effort, and fortitude. Their love for others is most evident in their loyalty and thoughtfulness as they generally avoid any direct communication of intimate emotion. Sevens feel caught in the pain of life and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel happy.
Sevens lead with the Thinking Center, and so their minds are overactive with ideas, plans, and humor. Their Support Doing Center propels them to do something about what their ideas and become involved in the world. Their Feeling Center is underactualized, and so they have difficulty expressing emotion directly and in relationships are protective of their freedom.
Eight: the Activator — a competitive, practical, passionate maneuverer. Eights experience life as a series of obstacles to be overcome. They disdain weakness and rely on their strength, although they rarely feel as strong as they appear to others. Often known as vital and engaging, they prefer to deal directly with most situations. Taking a stand is easy for them while backing down, even when they are wrong, is difficult. They intend to get the most from life and to let little if anything or anyone stand in their way.
Eight: the Activator. Eights concentrate on their own abilities to make things happen; thus they come across as forthright, blunt, firm, and full of life and strength. Some are loud and raucous, others are reserved and proper, but all are direct in communication. They have clearly defined ideas on what is just and use their considerable strength to make the world conform to their ideas, first for themselves and then for others. Eights are organized people who are determined to be in control whenever possible. A tender side lies within them which their own family can tap into, along with anyone they consider to be oppressed. Eights feel caught in their personal weakness and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel strong.
Eights lead with the Doing Center, which makes them dynamic, power-oriented people who have great presence. Their Support Thinking Center allows them to plan their actions, making them maneuvers; or to justify their actions. Their underactualized Feeling Center makes them oblivious to the world of emotions, insensitive to other’s feelings, and unaware of their own feelings and emotional needs.
Nine: the Universalist — a secretive, unemotional, affable problem solver for others. Nines experience life as a series of pressures to be held at bay. They accomplish this goal by being pleasant, indirect and friendly. Their harder edges are seen only by people who know them well. Often proficient at technical projects that challenge their perceptive minds, their personal lives can suffer from lack of focus or attention to detail. They tend to put in a fair day’s work for a fair day's pay and then keep their private time for their own interests and enjoyment.
Nine: the Universalist. Nines are easygoing, affable people who are professionally and socially respected. They recoil from conflict of any kind and withdraw into the passive power of silence to ward off what they experience as emotional upheaval. Professionally, these unflappable people prove to be practical, deliberate, and resourceful. They have the resilience to deal with situations that others find too stressful. Because Nines expend nearly all of their energy in the public forum, their private world tends to be neglected both emotionally and physically. In both worlds, they use silence and affability to get along with others. Nines feel caught in turmoil and so strive to avoid it; they want to feel peaceful.
Nines lead with the Doing Center but also repress it. Leading with Doing makes them both fun loving and hyper-aware of energy output. Underactualized Doing makes them inactive and/or unfocused in their activity. Most of their personality comes from the other two centers. They are known for their intricate minds that thrive on details — evidence of the Thinking Center. They are affable, friendly, and want to be liked — evidence of the Feeling Center.
FINDING A PARTNER THAT SUITS YOU AND MAINTAINING THE RELATIONSHIP BY CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Sometimes when you meet someone you think the person is a perfect person for you but when you get to know that person better, you will find out his/her weaknesses or something you don’t like. There is a need for understanding the nature of human. The skill for finding a partner that suits us. We want a relationship based on trust and honesty to each other. We need to be sure to try to find a perfect match, which doesn’t mean finding a perfect person. The problem is that people want a perfect person. They think the perfect person will fix their life, the perfect person will know what they want without asking them, the perfect person will change into what they want, and they think that their relationship will remain the same for example there is no fight/ quarrel.
You can not find a perfect person because there is no such thing as a perfect person, so what we can do is find a partner that meets our most important criteria; that is what you must have in your partner, and what kind of person you must avoid because you can’t stand them. The steps that you must take are know yourself, find what you want in your partner, meet more people, observe and choose.
The first thing you must do is know yourself. You do this by asking questions to yourself such as what type of person you are, what your dream is, your value, your life styles, your personalities, your interest, your passion, your physic and other things that you want out of life.
Secondly, find out what you want in your partner. List your criteria into three parts. They are what you must have in your partner, what you can tolerate and compromise with your partner, and what kind of people you must avoid because you can’t stand them. The first is what you must have in your partner. Instinctively, a man wants a sexy woman or one who is physically attractive and a woman instinctively wants a man with financial security. But both of them, man and woman, prefer a partner who are caring, compassionate, affectionate, aware of their needs and sensitive to their moods, can give them companionship, communication and support. The second is what you can tolerate and compromise with your partner. Each person is unique so expect different opinions from your partner. Listen to your partner’s opinion and try to understand your partner’s feeling. You have to know what your partner wants. You can know what your partner wants by asking him/her or ask their friends and family. You have to tolerate and compromise with him/her to get the most out of your relationship. The third is what kind of people you must avoid because you can’t stand them. There are people that we must avoid and most of us can’t stand them such as a gambler, a drunkard, a drug abuser and an abuser.
Thirdly is meeting more people, observe and choose. Dating is a chance to observe your partner whether the person is the perfect match for you. By discussing your thought and feeling with him/her you will know him/her better. You can discuss about anything that both of you are interested in. If the person has the qualities that we want, we can not wait to meet her/him again. Choose intelligently. And remember to give just a bit of love day by day.
After you find a partner you have to know how to change a bitter fight into the right way to fight, that is a discussion to find the solution. No couple ever remains madly in love forever, through leaky toilets and broken pipe, crying babies and demanding families, business problems and debt. What happens when your love wears off? What enables your "In-Love" feeling to mature into true lasting love, capable of withstanding the ups and downs of a long- term relationship? I want to inform how to manage conflict in relationship. Next, I will explain that it is normal for disagreement to occur, and that there is a right way to fight.
First I will explain that it is normal for disagreement to occur. No two people are ever 100% compatible. If they were, they wouldn't add a thing to each other, and life would be pretty boring. But differences need to be understood in a relationship. It is natural if you face many problems with your partner because it happens anywhere. Sometimes these problems can lead into a fight. The “courtship phase “wears off, and reality sets in. After you have been with someone for a while, you also begin to know what things will start a fight. Knowing how to set someone off means you have a choice, to fight or not. Be aware when you choose to start a fight. Sometimes we must choose to disagree because we have a different opinion about the problem. Every relationship has its quarrel. Psychologists once thought that the best cure for anger was to get it out in the open and say what you think. Today, we know that letting anger out does not necessarily make you feel better. If the battle is with the one you love, it makes you feel worse.
Next I will tell you that there is a “right way” to fight. Compromising is the key. When a disagreement becomes a bitter dispute over who's right and who's wrong, things are said that you can not take back. Harsh words spoken in anger are remembered long after, corroding the relationship. Frequent battles embitter the fighters. No matter who wins, both bear the scars. You will have a problem with your partner and may get into a fight whether you like it or not. Prepare yourself to change a fight into a discussion for finding the solution. Compromise is a surprisingly difficult relationship issue, especially with people who have been single a long time. In a close, stable relationship, each partner gets his or her way about one-quarter of the time, because about half the time, you wind up compromising and no one "wins." In a good relationship, of course, the love and fulfillment you get far outweighs the autonomy you lose, so compromises come easily and happily.
Next, I will explain the process of problem solving. The first step is defining the problem. Make sure the problem is clear and specific. Express facts and feelings regarding the problem. Make sure that everyone has an equal chance to speak. All feelings are appropriate if expressed constructively. The second step is finding the solution by listing possible solutions, evaluating each proposed solution individually and deciding on a mutually acceptable solution. Everyone should have an equal opportunity to contribute and the solution should be fair for both sides. The third step is making specific plans to implement the solution. Decide who, when, how, where. The fourth is evaluating the solution. Is everyone satisfied with the outcome? If the problem remains unsolved, decide on the reason. Perhaps you were trying to solve the wrong problem. Perhaps a different solution would have worked better. Perhaps the solution was inadequately implemented.
I have told you how to find a partner that suits you and how to change a bitter fight into the right way to fight, that is a discussion to find the solution. I hope you can use this information to manage conflict in your relationships. In conclusion do not get frustrated if you have not found your perfect match. Keep on trying. Good things need time. When you realize that there is no such thing as a perfect person, you will try to learn to tolerate and compromise with your partner. If you can do this, you can solve your problems with your partner easily. Anyone can become angry because of a problem. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that is not easy. In a sound relationship, partners are not only tolerant of each other's imperfections, they "cover" for each other. Instead of being annoyed by their personality differences, they appreciate that their different "takes" on the world give new insights to each other and gives them strength as a team. And you can enjoy a happy life with the one you love and chose.
WHAT IS ESSENTIAL IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP
A love relationship needs guidelines to follow to be successful just like a working relationship where there are agreements which were made to protect each person in the relationship. I want to inform you what is essential in a love relationship because everyone want to be the best at what they do; being the best for your partner is no exception. By knowing what is essential in a love relationship, you will lay a solid foundation for your love relationship. What is essential in a love relationship? They are communication, trust and time spent together.
First I will talk about
I.Communication:
How often do you talk together? Are you both able to communicate what you want without misunderstandings?
Things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. By communicating we try to understand each other day by day so never tell each other to shut up. You never know what type of person they are if you don’t take the chance to find out. Communication consists of:
A. Discovering their interests: "Take one night out and find out each other's needs and rules. These play a big part in relationships. For example -- some people are turned on more visually -- so presenting a flower says much more than saying, 'I love you.'
B. Expressing how you really feel: "Tell them how you really feel about them and always show them how much you love them. Tell them what makes you happy and what upsets you so your partner could make you happy and wouldn’t upset you.
C. Praising your mate: Almost everyone likes to be praised so give compliments, but don't fake it.
D. Handling Arguments
Each person is unique so you need to compromise with your partner. Resolve arguments quickly... and REALLY resolve them! Don't bring up past problems when addressing a new one. Forgive and truly forget. Arguing over the "little things" is such a waste of energy. Live each day as if it were your last.
E. Listening
Do you feel you are actually listening to what each other is saying?
Don't monopolize the entire conversation. Actually listen when your partner is speaking to you. By listening to your partner, you will know his/her thought and feeling and you might even learn something from your partner.
Second I will talk about
II. Trust:
Open your heart. Often the greatest way to show your love is by giving someone your trust. Open up and tell your mate something about you that no one else knows. It's a sure fire way to let them know how special they are and how much they mean to you. Trust consists of:
A. Honesty
Be honest at all times. Don't lie or be unfaithful to your partner. Nothing can damage a relationship more than dishonesty, even white lies. In every case, honesty is the best policy. This also means... don't put yourself in situations you feel the need to lie about. Relationships are built on trust. Once broken, it's very difficult to rebuild. There is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie
B. RESPECT
If you don't believe that you are good enough for your partner, then you won't be. Respect yourself by being yourself. Learn to be yourself and not to be superficial. Learn not to let what others think about you bother you. Learn to accept and respect yourself first and then other people including your partner. Treat your partner with love, kindness, and respect and not with criticism and disrespect. Everyone deserves to be treated with value and love. If you have a partner who doesn't respect you, talk to them about it. Let them know how you feel. If it's not something they are willing to change... find someone else because you'll be happier in the long run.
C. "The key is to be understanding. Your personality is something that can't quite be changed unless you want it to be, so we simply have to try to understand each other as we become closer and be comfortable with who you are, and the people who are around will be comfortable with you too!
D. Commitment
If you both are committed you will always find a way to work things out."
Third I will talk about
III. Amount of Time Spent Together:
"The most important 'key' to a relationship is not worrying about how long it will last, when it will end, and enjoying every moment possible together." Amount of Time Spent Together consists of:
A. Working Towards Goals
Share responsibilities with your partner equally. You need to work together to achieve both of your dream. Rely on your partner for help and support. Support each other. Tell your partner that they can do anything if the put their mind on it. Try to do your best and try not to disappoint your partner.
B. Doing things that make the both of you happy
Do not do things just to keep your partner happy. Every time you compromise yourself in that way, a piece of your love for your partner dies. It is much better to explain to your partner that you don't feel good about certain things and work on an alternative together.
Don’t be selfish or mean by asking your partner to do things you know they don't want to do and it has no benefit to them.
C. Giving attention: "The best way to show that you love someone is to give attention to him/her such as asking your partner how was your day and giving them gift at their birthday. Just care for that person with all your might. Always be there for your partner whenever your partner needs you such as being by their side or visiting them when they are sick and helping them if they need your help. It is wonderful to know there is someone who loves and cares about you.
I have already discussed communication, trust and time spent together, which are essentials in a love relationship. In conclusion, I hope this information will be useful in your love relationship. Learn from your experience, and practice the information above, to have a successful relationship. That’s all. Thank you for listening.